After the ready room incident, Kathryn felt more anxious, and like she had angered Chakotay. She knew it was nearly impossible for her to anger him, but she was afraid. Being afraid bugged the living hell out of her. She was a Janeway, and Janeways weren’t cowards. She was so deep in thought that she h uad missed Tom’s question, and now the entire bridge was quiet, and waiting for her to answer. Damn it.
After sorting out that class A cluster fuck, Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose, and leaned forward in her chair. She had been stealing glances over at Chakotay over the last few days, but saying and doing nothing. It was hard for her to accept love. Ever since… before she could finish her thought, he had caught her staring at him. She felt like he could see right through her. To her soul. To the core of her being. She quickly looked away but not before seeing that great smile crawl across Chakotay’s face. Those lips had kissed hers, and she wanted to kiss them again. She sat back in her chair and listened to the din of the bridge around her.
She didn’t see Chakotay get up and leave, so when she turned to look at him, it startled her when she saw he was gone. It irked her that he said nothing. Where the hell did he go?
Chakotay double checked that no one had followed him to the Brig. He laughed as he realized if anyone caught him doing this, he’d be IN the brig. With no one around he opened a floor subpanel and pulled out the digital read out monitor he had swiped from Kathryn’s desk. Some rules were meant to be broken. He wanted to know more about her. About the woman who had stolen his heart from almost the day he met her.
Kathryn’s hand held monitor could access any record he wanted for the ship. The only one he was interested in was hers. When he opened it he realized he needed a passcode. He only had 5 tries. He entered her birthday, no luck. Her Starfleet Academy Graduation date, no access, he tried the date she was assigned to Voyager, nothing. The date they had met.. BINGO! After getting into the interface, he checked again to be sure no one was around. He pulled up the personnel files and scrolled to the J’s.
On the bridge, Kathryn was up and pacing the floor like a caged lioness. Chakotay had been gone for at least half an hour, and it was driving her crazy. Finally, she tapped her communicator. “Janeway to Chakotay” no answer. She tapped again, “Captain Janeway to Commander Chakotay, do you copy?” Still nothing. Kathryn felt her face flush, and her skin grow hot. Out of desperation and trying to sound calm, “Computer, where is Commander Chakotay?” She waited for the mere seconds it took for the Computer to respond. “Commander Chakotay is in the Brig.” Kathryn furrowed her brow. The Brig? What the hell was he Doing? Fearing Chakotay was in trouble because he didn’t answer his communicator, she turned over her right shoulder. Lieutenant Tuvok, take a security team and go to the Brig, find Chakotay. Tuvok in true Vulcan fashion, nodded and left the Bridge.
Meanwhile in the Brig, Chakotay was neck deep in Kathryn’s file. He wondered how and when she had recovered from all this in her record. It explained her fears, and made him sick to his stomach. Tuvok’s voice hit Chakotay like lightning and Chakotay scrambled to put the monitor back in the floor. He was standing up as Tuvok rounded the corner.
“Commander, are you alright?” Tuvok asked as the security team fanned out into the brig. “I’M fine, what’s going on?” Chakotay asked as he nervously stood on top of the loose floor panel. “Captain Janeway was worried since you have been absent for nearly an hour” Chakotay nodded, “I’m sorry, I got lost in thought.” Tuvok stepped aside as Chakotay stepped towards him. “SO you came to the brig?” He asked following Chakotay down the corridor to the lift. “What can I say, when my mind wanders, apparently so do I.”
Kathryn turned as she heard the doors open onto the bridge. She almost smiled when she saw Chakotay, but the look in his eye cautioned her that his mood had changed. He wasn’t sour, but..p>Maybe thoughtful. It made her wonder what he was up to, but with past experiences, she knew she could trust whatever he was doing. She looked back at him and caught his gaze. “Everything alright Commander?” She asked. She didn’t ask simply out of curiosity, but also out of wanting to hear his voice.
“Everything is fine Captain, just needed to clear my head.” Chakotay responded as he sat in his chair. Kathryn nodded, but thought to herself that he had looked more relaxed when he left the bridge.
Inside Chakotay, his entire being was sighing in relief. He had almost been caught, and almost was too close. He was pushing boundaries, and his luck by doing this. But he wanted to know. Needed to know. He wanted to help Kathryn, and he knew she wouldn’t talk about it. He was going to have to get back down there and find a way to get that monitor to his quarters so he could search more. He hated doing this, but at times, Rules are meant to be broken.
More!
Also, @secretvixen83 I could give you a few constructive criticisms if you wanted that… message me if so??
Penny
The nerve of this man! How dare he think that she would be okay with this, that she would want to do this?
Chakotay had invited Kathryn, via comm message during her latest mission, to visit his new home in Southern Indiana. He had offered to cook her dinner and explained that he had a new friend living with him that he wanted her to meet.
A “young and beautiful” new friend.
How dare he?
She knew from experience that it was difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who was constantly traveling off-planet, but would he really want to throw away everything they had built between them since Voyager’s homecoming?
Had he finally gotten tired of waiting?
As she stepped up onto the front porch, Kathryn Janeway conjured her best attempt at a cheerful smile, hoping this dinner would end quickly. Raising her fist, she knocked firmly on the door. Soon after, a grinning Chakotay pulled it open.
Damn, he looked good.
“Kathryn! It’s so good to see you!”
Still smiling he reached out and pulled her into an unexpected hug. Surprised, Kathryn resisted for a second, but soon relaxed into his embrace and wove her arms around his waist.
“It’s good to see you too. Where is she?”
Cringing at her own bluntness, she pulled back from Chakotay. He smiled at her and let out a gentle laugh.
“You’re going to love her Kathryn. Come with me.”
Taking hold of her hand, Chakotay pulled Kathryn behind him into the main living area.
“Kathryn Janeway, meet Penny.”
Kathryn stopped dead in her tracks. On the couch in the far corner of the room sat the most adorable puppy she had ever seen. Relieved beyond measure, she strode over to the couch and scooped the tiny dog into her arms. She looked up to see Chakotay, still smiling, watching her.
How could she ever doubt him?
Suddenly, she realized her eyes were becoming moist and swiped at them, embarrassed.
“What’s wrong?” Chakotay asked, worried he had done something.
“Nothing, I just thought…” Kathryn trailed off.
“You thought what?” Chakotay prompted, confused.
Janeway looked down at the puppy wiggling contentedly in her arms and smiled.
God, she loved this man.
“Nevermind.”
– K
Somehow I have made it through all 1,959 fics tagged Janeway/Chakotay on AO3…
I think I might be obsessed…
when your otp is so fucking under-written that you have to obsess over these tiny random moments because OH MY GOD THEYRE ACTUALLY TOUCHING
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Kathryn Janeway had no idea when this had happened. How could she have let this go so far? Something had to be done, yes, something had to be done.
Somewhere over the years, she had lost her judgment. She had given in.
But what was she to do?
Suddenly, she found herself thinking back to when it had all began. When her biggest problem had first presented itself.
It had been years ago, in the middle of a duty shift, right there on the bridge.
It had been a completely uneventful and unbelievably boring shift until Paris had made one of his typical childish jokes that had left the entire bridge crew consumed in fits of laughter.
She, unaware of the impacts, had reached out and placed her hand on Chakotay’s shoulder.
He had turned his face to look at her, surprised at first as she was, but then smiled gently. Showing a hint of those dimples. And in that moment, she had lost control for only a split-second, but that was everything.
She had felt something.
Something long repressed and long denied.
Damn those dimples.
Since then, she had found herself reaching out to him more and more.
Wanting, desperately, to recreate the feeling of that first time.
Wanting, desperately, to feel again.
It had started simply. A comforting hand here, and a gentle brush there.
But it had quickly become more.
Weekly dinners, started on the pretext of ship functionality, had all been her idea. Her way of maximizing their time spent together.
Her hand on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, had the power to bring the most complete feeling of calm.
Hand holding, even on duty, as a means of her own comfort. As a reminder. She wasn’t alone.
Staying on the bridge, way beyond the end of her shift. Not because she wasn’t exhausted, as she always pretended, but because he still had two hours left.
Sitting, maybe just a little too close, because he was her pillar of strength. And because she belonged there.
She really ought to get this under control. After all, a captain could not afford even the smallest distraction.
But maybe it was time she just admitted it.
She needed Chakotay to lean on.
Figuratively.
and literally
Alone
“You didn’t poison the coffee did you?”
“Not any more than I usually do.”
I smile at him and he chuckles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He is still feeling uneasy, and this bothers me, but then again, I am too. I don’t want this to become a problem for us. I don’t want this rift that seems to have been slowly growing where our friendship once blossomed. I make up my mind then. He has to know. He has to know that I can’t do this without him.
“Chakotay,” I start, setting down my mug, we need to talk.
He sits down his mug as well and looks up.
“I hate what we’ve become.” I admit, standing up and striding over to the couch, “We can’t afford to stop trusting each other, we can’t afford to be afraid to talk to one another.”
“I agree,” he says coming to sit beside me, “I don’t want to feel like that again, not knowing if you’re on my side or not.”
“I know what you mean. I don’t think I could do this without your support.”
He turns to look at me, and we make eye contact. I can see the truth in his eyes. I’ve missed being able to read him so well.
“You could if you had to.”
There is silence then, each of us thinking about this disturbing prospect. I inch closer to him on the cushion and lay my head on his shoulder, needing to feel close to him again. Chakotay stiffens at first, then relaxes, and eventually wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer.
“I’m glad I don’t have to.”
– K
Onward
It had been an infinitely long and difficult journey. But they had made it. Finally.
They were home. Home at last.
Captain Janeway stood at the viewport, gazing at the beautiful blue and green orb, unsure about exactly what to think. The door chimed and she turned.
“Come.”
Chakotay entered, carrying a large variety of PADDs, undoubtedly requiring her attention. Before he could tell her about them, however, he sensed that something was off with her. Setting the work aside, he turned to face her.
“Are you alright, Kathryn?”
Janeway turned away from him slightly, not making eye contact.
“Of course.”
Chakotay didn’t believe her. Not for a second. After all this time, he knew when something was bothering her.
“Everything’s going to be just fine, Kathryn. You got us all home. Thanks to you the crew can move on with their lives now.”
Kathryn turned back to him now, tears brimming in her eyes.
“That’s just it, Chakotay”
“What,” Chakotay asked, worried, “what’s wrong?”
“I can’t… I can’t lose you, Chakotay.”
A wave of relief washed over Chakotay. Everything was going to be ok, he realized and smiled. He took a step closer to Kathryn and lightly grasped her hands, pulling her to him.
“Kathryn, look at me.”
Kathryn did as she was told, gazing up into the warm brown eyes.
“Kathryn, you could never lose me. I will always be with you, no matter what.”
“Oh, Chakotay…”
Kathryn reached up and wrapped her arms around him, reveling in the reassuring embrace. Minutes later, she pulled away slightly and turned back to the view outside. Suddenly completely content, for the first time in nearly seven years.
bekjaneway 